WHAT FOOLS DO US MORTALS BE!
That is to say, one must not miss out on the marvels and mystery of Fairyland! Just beyond our grasp, and past the midst that obscures it from human eyes, there lies a curious land, the Court of the Queen of Elfame, inhabited by the fabled fairyfolk. Just what this realm has to offer is enough to excite and amaze even the very least of the magically inclined. Glow-worm-lighted avenues, rabbit-burrow spelunking, dances inside giant fairy-rings, fabulous hypnotic music, castles of impossible construction and proportions, caterpillar ridding and much more!
A SINGLE STEP
To get to Fairyland, there are some common methods. These various modes include such means as being whist away by goblin kidnappers, getting lost in an enchanted forest, climbing a magic beanstalk or falling asleep atop Aldington Knoll only to awaken smaller— much smaller. Any choice mode of travel should be wholly sufficient, so long as it makes no little use of magic or a supernatural element.
JOURNEY
Fairyland or Faerie is a big place (if not only relatively) and experiences can vary depending on one’s port, height or story of entry. However, no matter where you might be found, whether it be a castle in the sky or beneath the incandescent glow of toadstools, the land of the fay provides five-star adventure. When entering, there are no check points per say. However, one may be expected to cross a bridge wherein a troll or other hideous entity may solicit answers to riddles. If one does not possess the answers, this is no cause for alarm. Outsmarting a troll is a simple enough task. The default response is that the troll should wait for your much fatter uncle, aunt, annoying sibling, congressman, etc. who would make a far better meal than you. [NOTE: trolls are renowned almost as much for their gluttony as their dull whits.]
Afterwards, continue directly along your way, and do not stray from the narrow path (literally). Often the wild wood trails of fairy country frequent scammers. It should be noted, for newcomers, that scams in Fairyland work backwards and come in the form of those who offer you things rather than those who aim to take things from you. Typically, should an old hag, talking wolf, naked water maiden, etc. appear, do not stop to make conversation. Likewise, do not eat anything offered to you, no matter how tempting the apple or gingerbread house may look. However, when coming across one in need of help (i.e. for water, bread, charity, etc.) be generous and accommodating, for fortune follows the kind in Fairyland. To do otherwise, typically, incurs some terrible curse or grave misfortune.
EXPLORE
If any one thing can be said for the topography of Fairyland it is to not expect consistency. For one may be strolling in a cheerful, bright, enchanted forest at one moment, and, yet, find his or herself at the foot of a dark, dank and desolate mountainside, complete with rivers of fire, vultures encircling and a sky full of angry thunderclouds, the next. You may notice among the villages and cities that folk are typically either ridiculously poor or stupendously wealthy. Consequently, if you are of the middle class, some looks of confusion are to be expected, as you are surely the most oddest thing anyone will see. In a land of magic, legendary beasts and faraway lands, that is saying quite a lot.
Now, oftentimes in Fairyland, people are prone to misconceptions. For example, do not expect animals to talk. You are confusing fables, where animals adopt human roles, with fairy-tales, where animals only speak if enchanted to do so or are, in fact, people transformed into animals. Always be advised, if the animal’s a-talkin’, witches are a-stalkin’.
As well, when settling on a placed to stay always rely on an elderly man, animal or princess for advice. Usually, they will direct you to the inn that is in shabby to poor condition. No matter how decrepit looking, always accept accommodations graciously. As a general rule of thumb, the more tempting and attractive any option is, the more you should definitely not choose it. Unless, you never wish to leave again. After a good night's rest, there are countless sights to behold. We personally recommend a visit to the glass mountain. The mountain of glass stands majestically and is an awe-inspiring spectacle to behold. The boulders and cliffs are of the clearest crystal and is nearly indiscernible from a distance. Yet, we wish to inform climbing enthusiast that they need look elsewhere for an upward excursion. Any attempts to hook rigging to its sides are to no avail, as the devices would slide right off. Only by magical means can one reach its summit. Atop the mountain, sits the golden castle of Stromberg. The castle often looks as it is floating on air when viewed from a distance. The castle is impressively built with extensive spiraling towers at each corner shimmering in the sunlight. Inside, the atmosphere of the structure is surprisingly modern given its age, and its gilded halls, with living murals, are some of the most impressive in all of Fairyland.
Furthermore, no trip to Fairyland is complete without taking in the melodies of the fairy lute or harp. Some recent hits by Will-o'-the-Wisp, such as “Princesses Ain't Nothing but Trouble,” and “Stepmothers Don't Understand,” really connect with today's Fairyland youth.
LIVE TO TELL THE TALE
Countless are the pitfalls in Fairyland for those who do not heed good advice and act in selfish interest. Need it not be said that kindly instructions are to be followed to the letter. As well, if a cursed is declared, rest assured, it will come to pass. Similarly, be ever cautious of uttering some condemnation or frightful wish in private, less one stirs up the powers that be, and the wish is fulfilled. Moreover, there is no end to the countless frightful beasts and beings that dwell in Fairyland. For instance, there are giants who will shake you like a doll, and the baba yaga has been known to confine intruders to a life of endless toil in her home. Then again, there are others who may incur both reward or harm. Elves have, at times, lined the pockets of the poverty-stricken with gold. Conversely, other elves work mischief or even steal away children when left unattended. Still, perhaps, the most terrible adversary one will encounter in Fairyland is time. For a brief period in Fairyland, unbeknownst to visitors, could equal years back home.
THINGS TO AVOID
Among the things to avoid, in Fairyland, include: greed, envy, spindles, stepmothers, omitting invitations, pied pipers, swamps, etc.
GUIDES
[ BACK TO GUIDE ]
